Most of us purchased our consoles so we could sit back on a lazy evening and enjoy ourselves. But sometimes I think video game developers don't really understand what the word "enjoy" means. If you've played any of the games on this list, you know exactly what I'm talking about.
Bomberman: Act Zero (Xbox 360)I'm not exactly sure why developers insist on taking classic video games and changing the formula so much that the sequel has almost no resemblance to the original. In Bomberman: Act Zero, Hudson Soft removed our cute, bomb-carrying protagonist and replaced him with a mechanical cyborg. The developer also attempted to add an agonizing storyline about cyborg battles and oppression.
- The only time cyborgs have ever been uncool.
- Contains a mode called "First-Person Battle," which is actually in third-person perspective.
- Players can't save their progress unless they're connected to the Internet. Brilliant.
Chicken Shoot (Wii)This game has made practically every "worst of" list that the Internet has ever produced. The only reason that it's not number one on my list is because it's culturally insignificant. And thank God for that. As far as I can tell, Chicken Shoot is a game that was specifically designed to push suicidal Duck Hunt fans over the edge. I'm actually surprised that their slogan isn't "Like Duck Hunt? Get ready to kill yourself."
- A lot like Duck Hunt except ducks have been replaced with chickens and fun has been replaced with frustration.
- There's no discernible point. Shooting the game disc was far more enjoyable than playing the game.
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows - Part 1 (Xbox 360, PS3, Wii, PC, DS)Popular film franchises have always been a goldmine for developers who are willing to churn out unplayable garbage just to make a few easy bucks. And, in the last few years, the Harry Potter series has been the most attractive goldmine on the planet. The funniest part about this game is that EA was actually trying to produce a Harry Potter game that would appeal to the franchise's growing adult fan base. Instead, they just managed to make LEGO Harry Potter all the more enjoyable.
- For some reason, the storyline is only loosely based on the books and film. That's right, the writers took an award-winning literary franchise and rewrote it.
- Ralph Fiennes was one of the only cast members wise enough to avoid reprising his role in this train wreck.
- Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows - Part 2 is just as bad.
101-in-1 Sports Party Megamix (Wii)Now, I know what you're thinking: "How can a game with an awesome title like 'Sports Party Megamix' be on a worst games list?" I probably thought that very thing myself at some point. But if you've ever actually played it, I'm sure that you can agree with me.
Here's an actual quote from the game's press release: "Really, we couldn't be happier with our decision to release the game on 1/11/11." said Aram Jabbari, chief isophenist for Atlus. "It's the most one-derful day of the year."
Now are you getting the picture? The developer has produced a game whose most important feature is that it's actually 101 games. Their marketing team couldn't come up with anything more exciting. These days, when my children disobey me, I make them play 101-in-1 Sports Party Megamix.
- There are 101 games, but none of them are fun.
- If you can't figure out how to break up with your girlfriend, just ask her to play 101-in-1 Sports Party Megamix with you.
- If there's an award for over-alliteration, they should give it to the person who named all of these games. Sumo Suit Showdown, Daring Darts, Fancy Fencing? I feel nauseous.
COPS 2170: The Power of Law (PC)COPS 2170: The Power of Law is an RPG that's been dressed up like a turn-based strategy game. Only, it feels like it's trying hard to ruin both genres. If you like controlling armies by individually clicking each unit, or an A.I. system that's guaranteed to get all of your soldiers killed, this is the game for you.
- Gameplay and graphics that remind me of how awesome my 486's graphics card was.
- Sophisticated Multiplayer battles. Just kidding. There's no multiplayer.
- The term "cyberpunk" is tossed around liberally.
Jumper: Griffin's Story (Xbox 360, PS2, Wii)Remember all that stuff I sad about film franchises? It's even worse when the movie is terrible.
- It's a lot like the movie.
- Too much jumping.
- The game was released on the PS2 even though the PS3 had already been on the market for two years.
Terminator Salvation (Xbox 360, PS3, PC, iOS)Here we go again. If you saw this movie, you must already have some idea about how awful this game was. The most enjoyable moment was when I started crying and turned it off. Actually, that was the most enjoyable moment in the movie too.
- Backups are automated, but it's almost impossible to tell when your game has been saved.
- The dystopian future portrayed in the Terminator movies looks like it would be more fun than playing this game.
- Christian Bale isn't in it.
Dead or Alive Xtreme 2 (Xbox 360)I feel like a traitor to my gender for putting this one the list, but I just can't ignore the fact that Team Ninja spent more time perfecting breast physics than improving gameplay. And, while I like jiggly things as much as the next guy, DoA X2 always makes me feel creepy and depressed.
- Semi-realistic breast movement.
- Major technological advancements in tan line realism.
- Complex and engaging narrative involving waterslides.
Duke Nukem Forever (PC, PS3, Xbox 360)I've heard people call Duke Nukem Forever the "Chinese Democracy of the video game industry." but when you consider that Axl Rose is bigger cartoon character than Duke Nukem, DNF was probably a far bigger disappointment than the Axl's record, which makes Duke Nukem Forever more Chinese Democracy than Chinese Democracy. This is obviously not a compliment.
Actually, if DNF had been released in 1998, when it was supposed to hit the market, it would have been a semi-interesting game, but making fans wait around for thirteen years in preparation for a game that would have been past its prime a decade ago is cruel and unusual. If you're Facebook friends with anyone who enjoyed this title, unfriend them. DNF fans are terrible, terrible people.
- A ton of dialogue that would have middle-schoolers laugh back when Clinton was still president.
- Makes you feel like more of a pervert than the Internet already does.
- he single-player campaign is about seven hours long, but it feels like fifteen.
Leisure Suit Larry: Box Office Bust (PC, PS3, X360)As if Duke Nukem Forever and Dead Or Alive X2 weren't enough to meet the oversexed-and-unplayable video game quota on this list, Leisure Suit Larry just had to make an appearance.
For those of you who don't remember—or weren't alive—the original Leisure Suit Larry stirred up a small controversy in 1987 when conservative groups got an eyeful of his pixilated soft-core adventures. Well, these days Larry's adventures are slightly less pixilated and slightly less soft-core.
Box Office Bust follows Larry Lovage, the nephew of Larry Laffer, the original Leisure Suit Larry. Now, I didn't think the original Leisure Suit titles were the funniest games ever made, but Lovage's title has to be one of the least funny pieces of comedy ever produced, and it wasn't even written by Carlos Mencia. This is compounded by an endless stream of repetitive tasks, and graphics that almost make the 1987 Leisure Suit title seem technologically advanced.
Sometimes I wonder if this game was produced to flush out society's worst perverts. I had better hide my copy, just in case.
- Witness the lowest moment in the careers of comedians Jeffrey Tambor and Jay Mohr as they display their voice acting talents.
- Mindless repetitive tasks and incoherent dialog.
- The writers seem to think that vulgarity can be evenly exchanged for comedic wit, but they're obviously mistaken.
- Someone should have shown Bob Saget's standup act to them.