Deep Sea Hatchetfish A.K.A. the Fish That Will Eat Your Soul


Also known as the fish of the damned, it appears the only reason we don't hear their curse-filled lamentations is because they're underwater. Fill your aquarium with these fuckers and you'll fall asleep every night watching them silently proclaim your impending damnation.

They only grow to be about four and a half inches long, but their bite-sized terror is potent--they hide in the deep during the day, then rise up at night, returning once more to the abyss as day breaks. We believe they're called hatchetfish because that's what you'll wish you had in your hand if you saw one.