Antlers Twice the Size of a Man


If there existed an award for "Most Underrated Badass" in the animal kingdom, the winner would probably be deer. We always think of Bambi when we see one, but these guys charge their way through adolescence in a blood orgy of hormone-fueled, antler-clashing mayhem. But even the most badass trophy bucks of modern times pale in comparison to the beasts our ancient brethren tangled with:

Via Kilburn Social Club
One of many reasons why man invented the cannon.

You see, back in the day, deer were essentially bears with what can only be called "antlers" in the Crocodile Dundee School of Zoology -- meaning that if you think deer today have massive antlers, well ...

Via IPCC
"These are antlers."

Say hello to Megaloceros Giganteus: the Irish elk. This enormous Eurasian monster is the largest deer we know about, and it was easily recognized by the two insane war-axes growing out of its skull. Why did their antlers get so big? Why else? To get laid.

Via BBC
If women aren't impressed by them, there's something wrong with the women.

While it is believed that the Irish elk already had large antlers to begin with, it should come as no surprise that only elks sporting the largest weaponry were able to win enough primeval brawls to pump out a few heirs. By modern standards, this would be like bringing an AT-AT to a knife-fight, and to the winner went Bambi's mother.

Via Treknature
Wanna bone?

Imagine hitting one of those beasts with your Acura, never mind having one jump inside your home, place of business or kids' elementary school.

Of course, our ancestors didn't come across any of them within the confines of a car. So now picture crossing paths with one of these maulers during mating season, armed with nothing but a sharpened stick. See how well you match up against proto-Bambi.

Via Licornenoir
All of a sudden, getting shot off-screen doesn't sound so bad.