The (Needless) Transformation of Wonder Dog


The Character:
Equal parts Astro and Scooby Doo, Wonder Dog is the loyal, harmless sidekick to the Super Friends circa 1970.


The Plan:
"Let's slide Wonder Dog into a modern setting in Teen Titans. But let's make him edgy and tough, for teenagers! Scooby Doo is for babies!"

The Problem:
In case you're not immediately familiar with 1970s superheroes, we'll give you a crash course. The Super Friends were a conglomeration of superheroes and Wonder Dog was a dog. The poor man's Wonder Twins to Wonder Dog's poor man's Gleek came in the form of two kids named Marvin and Wendy, whose super powers included "taking care of Wonder Dog" and "not having any superpowers."


If the dog you're "taking care of" has superpowers, your only responsibility is cleaning up his shit.

Recently, the writers of Teen Titans decided to reintroduce Marvin and Wendy as the caretakers of the Titan's secret hideout: a giant building shaped like a T, (for "Titan." Or "Teen." Or "ReTarded."). Because no one wants to watch two irritating, non-fucking teenagers in a cartoon about superheroes, Wonder Dog was re-introduced as Marvin and Wendy's adorable pet.


Little known fact: "Muh muh" is the only sound one can make when faced with pants-shitting terror.

Now, if you compare this photo to the one above, clearly there are a few differences right off the bat. First, you can tell that Wendy's doing her nails differently, and that Marvin got rid of that awful haircut. Also, Wonder Dog turned into the Hound of the Fucking Baskervilles and ripped out Marvin's sternum, murdering him in the process.

Apparently in this version, Wonder Dog was invented by an evil mastermind to use his adorable lovability to win his way into the hearts of the Teen Titans immediately before tearing them out. This character reboot is a rare case that seems like it was brought on for absolutely no one.

Who would want this? Nostalgia-loving fans of the original dog will be heartbroken to see a piece of their childhood distorted so profoundly, and the kids who actually read Teen Titans will be traumatized beyond pissing their pants. They'll have transcended straight on through to a new level of fear wherein they piss their own souls.

Why would anyone want that?