You have a favorite sport, and you love the hell out of it. That’s why you’ve got 5 fantasy teams going and your apartment walls are covered with fathead wall decals that make your place look like a shitty sports bar that only serves capri sun and hot pockets. Be careful, though: just by having a favorite sport, you’re sending a message to the world, and it may not be the message that you’re intending to broadcast. Here’s what your favorite sport really says about you:
What You Think It Says: They say that everytime a dude gets hit in the NFL, it’s the equivelant to the impact from a moderate car accident. If there was a sport where people just got hit by cars repeatedly, that would totally be my favorite sport, but there’s not, so I watch football. It’s like gladiators with stragegy, and that pretty much describes me as a person: a strategic gladiator. Like Spartacus, if he was good at Risk.
What It Really Says: A pile of dudes in tight spandex grabbing at balls? Count me in!
What You Think It Says: Baseball is a game of endurance and long-term strategy, and that’s reflected in the way I live my life. I do the best I can for as long as I can, I wait for key opportunities, and then I take advantage of them in a flurry of quick action.
What It Really Says: Sometimes when I’m watching sports I doze off for forty minutes or so, and it’s nice to be watching a sport that allows me to do that without missing anything.
What You Think It Says: Basketball players are some of the healthiest athletes out there, because their job consists of tremendous endurance, super-human abilities, and dominating one-on-one competition. That’s pretty much me in a nutshell, except that instead of having super-human abilities, I only have a couple of abilities that I’m pretty decent at.
What It Really Says: Basketball is just like me, because it’s only exciting for about 5 minutes of every two hours you spend with it, and that’s only because there’s a good chance that it’ll be over soon.
What You Think It Says: Hockey requires more skill and physical ability than any other sport out there. The shit you have to pull off in hockey would be hard to do on dry land, and those guys are doing it while they’re ice skating. Plus, it’s the only sport where you’re allowed to stop the game so that you can fight someone after you just plowed them into a wall at 30 miles per hour. That’s badass.
What It Really Says: I played hockey when I was a kid, because I’m either Canadian or rich.
What You Think It Says: First off, let’s call it by it’s name: futbol. Futbol requires more stamina and physical fitness than all of these other sports combined. There’s a reason why futbol fans are so crazy and fanatical all over the world: because futbol is the most awesome sport on the entire planet Earth.
What It Really Says: My parents made me play soccer when I was a kid, because I didn’t have any friends. It did not work. All the kids on the team hated me because I was fat and/or ate my own boogers.
What You Think It Says: No other sport is gaining popularity like MMA, and that’s because it’s incredible. The only thing that sucks about boxing is that you can’t kick the dude in the head and then wrestle him to the ground and threaten to break his arm until he gives up or passes out. MMA fills that gap, and MMA fighters are super-buff and super-crazy. That’s awesome.
What It Really Says: MMA is really popular right now, so by liking it, I’m fitting in. Also, if you like MMA people will assume that you can kick their ass, because there’s a chance that you may be insane and incredibly violent.
What You Think It Says: There’s no "I" in "Team", and I’m definitely more of an "I" person than a "Team" person. That’s why I like golf; because it’s one person versus the world. It requires skill, precision, and buying tons of new shit all the time, and those are all abilities that I respect in a person. Plus, you can get away with wearing ridiculous sweaters.
What It Really Says: I’m either old, rich and snooty, or both.