You Know You Are Bruneian...

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1. People ask where you're from and the easiest explanation is saying that it's next to Singapore.

2. People are still clueless about where Brunei is and then you mention how the Sultan of Brunei was once the richest man in the world and everyone instantly remembers.

3. You either hang out in Coffee Zone or Coffee Bean or have children that do.

4. Your closet is full of designer gear but all you wear is the same old t-shirt, shorts and 'selipar jepun' that cost $2 from the 'kedai kaling' next door.

5. You don't wear Versace because only the older Datins & high society people wear it & because you have the suspicious feeling that it was made in Brunei.

6. You travel all the way to Miri just to get bargain priced goods but spend twice as much there as you would back at the shops in Brunei.

7. Your family has at least 4 cars, almost always including a large car like a 'Land Cruiser' (for stocking up at Miri).

8. You don't drive second hand cars.

9. You don't drive a car that is less than $40,000 because it is just unheard of.

10. You complain like hell when the food is slow at a restaurant, but when you are at a 'pasar malam' you can wait hours for your gourmet satay from that Mamak stall.

11. McDonalds is halal & you can order a 'Bubur McD'

12. You don't take public transport because it's for workers.

13. You are used to the wolf whistles of deprived men when you walk past them - even when you're with your parents.

14. You are used to seeing large crowds of Indian, Indon, Filo & Bangladeshi workers hang out at shopping malls, especially on Sundays.

15. You have called someone a 'poklen' or have been called one before.

16. You buy mee-goreng by the boxes.

17. You are obsessed with imported food from England.

18. You fly to Singapore to go to the hospital because you don't trust RIPAS.

19. You go to Singapore to have a good time.

20. You go on holiday ANYWHERE with 2 empty luggage's and come back with at least 10 full ones.

21. You go to Singapore or Malaysia at least 4 times a year.

22. You own an enormous private collection of pirated VCD's, DVD's & CD's.

23. You have a few specialised number plates for your cars.

24. You go to the pasar malam with tatty clothes & slippers but a LV/Gucci bag.

25. You actually believe the roads have no speed limits.

26. When singing the national anthem, you mumble parts of it because you can't quite remember/understand what some of the words are.

27. You Believe in Bomohs & pontianaks (vampires?).

28. You have Astro satellite.

29. You don't feel bad living in your mansion across from a kampong or even in a kampong itself.

30. You change your mobile whenever a new one comes out.

31.You know that the beach is the place to go to conduct illegal activity such as drinking & fornication although you swear you've never done it yourself.

32. You know all the places that sell illegal alcohol.

33. You must send your kids overseas or else they will have no future.

34. You fly out at least 10 times a year to many different places.

35. At least one member of your family lives in England, Australia or the US.

36. You have the cash to pay for a $100k Car.

37. You complain when something goes up in price even if it is only $0.20 & try to haggle over the price even at a department store.

38. You have to wake up early to go for Sunday breakfast with your family (all 40 of them) & most probably it's Dim-Sum.

39. You know all the swear words in Malay, Tagalog & Chinese.

40. Have bad bahasa melayu even though you have been studying it for your whole life.

41. You buy your monthly groceries on or around the 26th of each month.

42. You avoid supermarkets on or around the 26th or each month.

43. You think a 7 year loan repayment plan is a reasonable way to own a car.

44. You have 5.3 kids.

45. Your younger children go out in their pyjamas (barbie for girls, spiderman for boys) with a bottle of Milo clenched between their teeth.

46. Your younger children wear massive gold chains.

47. You PAWN your children's massive gold chains in order to finance the upcoming Hari Raya.

48. You wear black trousers, a multicoloured blouse and a tudong everywhere. Younger females, just swop the black pants for jeans.

49. If you are over 40 and female, more often than not, you are overweight and 'phone box shaped'.

50. You think nothing of carrying your new born baby complete with quilted plasticky pastel changing bag, while dangling a LIT cigarette between your lips.(men)

51. You think 5 cars in front of you anywhere on the road is a traffic jam

52. You think $0.03 for an SMS is still expensive!

53. You earn only $500 a month but can still buy a new car somehow and are willing to pay up to 10 years for it for those who do not apply to point #39 & who exceed point #46

54. You complain that a $1 hike in cigarettes is way too much when it still comes up to only $4 max a pack

55. You know you can get away with buying only $2 worth of gas cos your car modifications used up all your loan money from point #56

56. You will pile your 5.3 kids in the car and brave the more than 5 car jam to the Istana for some religious ceremony in order to get $5 per kid.

57. You consider taking out a maximum loan to extend your house (leaving no space for drains on your land) just cos the neighbours are renovating too.

58. You will spend thousands on car modifications but will hang around curbs/ roadsides with friends cos got no money to pay for coffee at Coffezone or Coffeebean.

59. You ride a Harley with a bunch of friends & park in front of Coffeezone/Coffeebean but only order water or coke & think its still macho.

60. The 26th of each month is the only time you dare to buy more than $2 worth of gas cos you need to go cruising aimlessly around Gadong (a major hang-out place for Bruneians) after grocery shopping.

61. Cruising aimlessly is defined as driving round the Centrepoint & Mall (located in Gadong) strip a minimum of 4 times while revving your engine loudly for all to hear.

62. The typical male wears only Premier League team t-shirts, jeans, baseball caps & slippers as passable casual wear to pick up tudong-ed chicks in.

63. You slow down to 10km/hr whenever a car breaks down is being towedaway / has an accident just to see if you know who the driver is & to get the number of the car to buy 4D later.

64. You take out a business loan to start a business but buy a brand new Lexus immediately (refer to point #36 on cash) with the loan & then start the sloppy business with the remainder of the money.

65. You do not know or have never spoken to 80% of the people you've invited to your wedding and who take the liberty to bring their 5.3 kids

66. 4 generations stay in one house & there is 1.5 cars per person in the
household who have a driving license

67. You think leaving work at 5:30pm is ridiculously late.

68. You don't bat en eyelid in any yoga class even though the instructor is referring directly from a book.

69. The local newspaper is still readable even though the front page always has some sort of story about illegal immigrants being caught for overstaying or soliciting as in point #3.

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