My friend introduced me to a site called "The Appendix to the Handbook of the Marvel Universe." Marvel Comics has a handbook of all the major characters....so some people got together and decided to complete the damn thing. The site's awesome if you're a geek like me, who likes to see the lame stuff a company doesn't want you to remember. It's filled with the dumbest and most forgettable characters, and, well, I decided to dedicate an alphabet to it. Check out their awesome site by clicking HERE. In the meantime, scroll down to see the best of the worst Marvel Comics has to offer.
Important Fact: These are all REAL characters. I couldn't make this crap up. If I tried, someone would beat me to death....and definitely not pay me for them. Oh, and once you're finished, I have images of all these horrible guys just to prove to you that no, I wasn't lying.
Good luck. Here you go:
Hope you enjoyed my Monday night art experiment. And, thanks to the amazing people who create databases dedicated to the crappiest of all characters, here's the proof:
Armless Tiger Man. It's amazing what they came up with in the 1940's. This guy lost his arms in an industrial accident and dedicated his life to destroying all machines. With his feet and teeth. Christ.
There are dumber monsters, but by name alone I had to include him. Bi-Beast swings both ways, and man, is he ever proud.
If you're old enough to have missed most of the Pokemon phenomenon, you might remember that Marvel Comics used to have weird advertisements for Hostess Fruit Snacks where superheroes would fight criminals who were after pastry. Not only was Chairman lame, he only wanted Hostess Fruit Cakes. Poor bastard.
Dyke. It's a water reference. I told you so.
A joke character from some time or another, Eye-scream was a mutant who could turn his body into any flavor of ice cream. The fact that they put enough thought into it to explain how he could melt and reform.....it boggles the mind.
In the 1960's, Wild West comics seemed like a good idea (you know, because comics always follow the latest trends in films) and "Fat Man" from Australia apparently was just what Marvel thought they needed in a bad guy.
I like Gorgeous George. I'm sorry, but I do.
I'm so sorry about what we did during World War 2...particularly the bit about "The Head."
"I the Great" is an eyeball. :sigh:
Sorry about making the September 11th reference, but 11 days before the attack on the World Trade Center, Marvel Comics introduced a character named Jihad, who was bent on world conquest. Considering how the Fantastic Four (and most of Marvel) are based in New York City, comic book conspiracy freaks are free to say all sorts of crazy things. It's kind of valid...White Wolf Games had a game called "Jyhad" in the 1990's but they had to remove it from circulation after Islamic extremists started sending them bomb threats for just using the word as a title to one of their products. At least that game had NOTHING to do with the Middle East. But the character Jihad? Jesus Christ, he's a freaking Genie. In a diaper. I'm sure the extremists loved that. I know I do.
"LOOK AT MY FACE," said King Cadaver.
Longarm. Pretty self-explanatory.
Man-Ape: Sure he has super powers, but he dresses up like a gorilla for fun. And it's not even Halloween.
In 1991, the NFL sponsored a superhero series called NFL Superpro. Any costume that has a corporate logo on it half a dozen times is just embarrassing.
I don't know much about O-Force, but so many questions are raised about the character Orifice that never need to be answered.
Phone Ranger, dialing up justice.
Qatar is more trippy than you can imagine. I don't understand him but his name does start with Q. That's enough for me.
"Hey, how about a little head?"
"Sure, just make sure it's red."
At least he's accepting his condition well.
I find it amusing that the vibrating robot THROB has handlebars on his head.
Poor Ugly Joe.
The Voodoo Phone. From those old Horror Comics, if you pressed Z a zombie would be delivered to whoever you dialed. I want one, right now.
Look up the history of The Walrus. It's amaaaaaaaazing.
Xhoohx, the grand wizard.
The Yuletide Terrorist's (a.k.a. Dr. Tannenbaum) robot snowman. Oddly enough, he fights the Great Lakes Avengers, a lame super group that'll get their own article on this site someday.
Zug, from the Conan the Barbarian books, is the end of LOTS of things.
Source: Jared, Marvel Alphabet of Shame, Head Injury Theatre.