Love Life Analytics

Bloggers and web developers are adept at using Google Analytics to keep track of their website visitors. Unfortunately many of these same bloggers and developers are less adept at keeping track of their own love lives. Therefore it shouldn't be too long before the Oompa-Loompas at Google develop the following "Love Life Analytics" platform...

Top Pickup Sources
Source
Uses
% success
Applebee's
5,350
84.07%
Home Depot parking lot
1,073
63.25%
A.A. meetings
986
75.24%
craigslist
56
43.19%
huffingtonpost.com forums
37
56.09%
This report shows your most popular sources for picking up women. This is useful in determining where you should be spending most of your time meeting new people.

Top Keywords (Used During a Date)
Keyword
Uses
% positive response
uh huh
124,350
84.07%
friggin
98,621
56.32%
tequila
32
72.90%
rash
12
15.84%
biden
10
0.02%
This report lists your most commonly used words on a date. This is useful in determining your vocabulary level and banter success.

Dating Demographic Overview
This report displays the types of people you typically date. This is useful in determining your tastes and supplying marketing firms with more personal data about you.

Relationship Outcome Overview
This report displays the most common outcomes of your romantic relationships. This is useful in determining how much of an asshole you are.

Sexual Encounters - Activity Overlay
This report shows the areas you concentrate on most during a sexual encounter (or the areas you've been allowed to concentrate on). This is useful in determining your 1st-,2nd- or 3rd-base success, as well as how well you "mix it up" with your partner.