Boy: who is this?
Girl: just a someone?
Boy: A someone I know?
Boy: Then why the hell are you bothering me?
Girl: well sorrrrrry
Girl: I just wanted to chat with you
Girl: never mind your an as shole
Boy: Hey wait a minute
Boy: look I'm sorry. I'm just a little paranoid
Girl: of what?
Boy: No. I'm in hiding.
Boy: Don't laugh at me!
Boy: This is serious!
Girl: What are you hiding from?
Boy: The cops.
Girl: gimme a break
Boy: I'm serious.
Girl: I don't get it
Boy: The cops are after me.
Girl: For what?
Boy: I'm wanted in three provinces
Boy: It's kind of embarrassing.
Girl: Well tell me.
Boy: No I can’t.
Girl: Oh go on.
Boy: I had sex with a turkey.
Girl: You are ohhhhhh Soooooo sick.
Boy: Send me your picture.
Boy: so I know you aren't one of them.
Girl: One of what?
Boy: The cops.
Girl: I'm not a cop I told you
Boy: Then send me your picture.
Girl: hold on
Boy: Hurry up.>
Boy: Are you there?
Boy: Fu ck you, cop!
Girl: Hey sorry
Girl: I had to do something for my mom.
Boy: I thought you were trying to find a picture to send to me.
Boy: When really you were notifying the authorities.
Boy: Weren't you!
Girl: that’s not it
Boy: Then what?
Girl: I don't want to send you the picture cause I'm not pretty
Boy: Most cops aren't
Girl: I’M NOT A FU CKING COP YOU DI CKEAD!
Boy: Then send me the picture.
Girl: fine. What's your e-mail?
Boy: Just send it through messenger.
Girl: all right
Girl: Did you get it?
Boy: Hold on. I'm looking.
Girl: That was back in may
Girl: I've lost weight since then.
Boy: I hope so
Girl: THAT HURT MY FEELINGS.
Boy: Did it?
Girl: Yes. I'm not that much smaller than that now.
Boy: Will it make you feel better if I send you my picture?
Boy: All right let me find it.
Boy: Okay here it is.
Girl: this isn't you.
Boy: I'll be damned if it isn’t!
Girl: You don't look like that.
Boy: How the hell do you know?
Girl: cause your profile has another picture.
Boy: The profile pic is a fake.
Boy: I use it to hide from the cops.
Girl: You look like the Farm Fresh guy lol
Boy: Well, you look like you ATE the Farm Fresh guy....
Boy: Not to mention all the groceries.
Girl: Go Fu ck yourself
Boy: I was going to until I saw that picture
Boy: Now my penis won't get hard for a week.
Girl: I shouldn't have sent you that picture.
Girl: You've done nothing but slam me.
Girl: you hurt me.
Boy: And calling me the Farm Fresh guy doesn't hurt me?
Girl: I thought you were bullshitting me!
Boy: Why would I do that?
Girl: I can't believe that the cops are after you
Boy: I can't believe Santa lets you sit on his lap.
Girl: FU CK YOU!!!
Boy: You'd break both of his legs.
Girl: You're a fu cking a sshole.
Girl: I've been teased my whole life because of my weight
Girl: and you make fun of me when you don't even know me
Boy: Ok. I'm sorry.
Girl: No you aren't
Boy: You're right. I'm not.
Boy: HA HA!
Girl: I'm done with you
Boy: Aww. I'm sorry.
Girl: I'm going to block you.
Boy: Wait a sec
Boy: We got off on the wrong foot.
Boy: Wanna start over?
Boy: I'll eat your pu ssy
Girl: YOU'LL WHAT?
Boy: You heard me.
Boy: I said I'd eat your pu ssy.
Girl: I thought you said you couldn't get it hard after seeing my picture
Boy: Do I need a hard-on to eat pu ssy?
Girl: I'd like to know that the man eating me out is excited yes
Boy: Well I'm not like most men.
Boy: I get excited in different ways.
Girl: Like what?
Boy: Do you really wanna know?
Girl: I don't know
Boy: You have to tell me yes or no.
Girl: I'm afraid to
Boy: cause why?
Girl: well lets see
Girl: you say you have sex with turkeys. You’re hiding from the cops. You call me fat. Then you wanna eat me out
Girl: doesn't that seem strange to you?
Girl: well its strange to me
Boy: Fine. I won't do it if you don't want me to
Girl: I didn't say that
Boy: So is that a yes?
Girl: I guess so.
Boy: Ok. I need your help getting excited though.
Boy: Are you willing?
Girl: What do you need me to do?
Boy: I need you talk like a pirate.
Boy: When I start to go limp... you say "HARRRRRRRR!!!"
Girl: You can't be serious
Girl: Are you a sicko
Boy: But Oh yes I am serious!
Boy: It's my fantasy.
Girl: this is so retarded
Boy: Do you want it or not?
Girl: Yes I want it.
Boy: Then you'll do it for me?
Boy: Ok. Here we go.
Boy: I gently remove your panties and begin to massage your thighs.
Boy: You get really juicy thinking about my tongue brushing up against them
Boy: I softly begin to tongue your wet pu ssy.
Boy: I run my tongue up and down your smooth slit.
Girl: mmmm yeah
Boy: uh oh ...going limp.
Boy: You gotta do better than that!
Boy: Your picture was really bad.
Boy: Ahhhh. Much better. I feel your pu ssy is getting moister with every stroke.
Boy: I softly suck on your clit bringing it in and out of my mouth.
Boy: Your juices run down my chin as your scent makes its way to my nose.
Boy: I begin to feel empowered by your femininity.
Girl: mmmmmm you are good
Boy: I feel your thighs tighten as I suck harder
Boy: going limp
Boy: Mmmm I grab your swelling buttocks in my hands.
Boy: You begin to sway back and forth.
Boy: going limp
Girl: this is stupid
Boy: ...still limp
Boy: Do it!
Boy: I turn you around to lick your a sshole.
Boy: I pry apart that battleship you call your ass.
Boy: I see shit nuggets hanging from the hair around your a sshole.
Girl: WHAT THE FU CK?
Boy: They stink really badly.
Girl: OH MY GOD STOP!!!
Boy: I start to get fed up with your ugly ass
Boy: I tear off your wooden peg leg.
Boy: I ram it up your ass.
Girl: YOURE A FU CKING PYSCHO!!
Boy: Then I pour hot caramel over your head.
Boy: And turn you into a fu ckking candy apple...
Boy: I kick you in the face!
Girl: FU CK YOU a sshole!!
Boy: The cellulite from your cheeks hits the side of the cabin...
Boy: Your parrot flies away
Boy: ...hello going limp again.
Boy: Say it!