Salvaged: How To Be A Poklen - "Asalkan Karas Yo" (2009)

In the UK they have chavs, in the USA they have white trash or trailer trash, in Singapore they have ah-bengs and we, Brunei, have our beloved poklens. Let's start by trying to define what a 'poklen' is.

Well, a poklen is "a human, who overtime, has devolved to a new type of species". They have their own dialect which is a mixture of broken English and ghetto (kampong) Malay. They usually congregate and loiter in areas such as bus stops, shopping centres, supermarkets, corner-shops and fast food restaurants.

First thing to work on is attire, obviously you cannot be a poklen without the proper image. So go out and buy plenty of baggy clothes, WWE (i.e. wrestling related) t-shirts and also plenty of t-shirts which have stupid comments like "SATISFACTION GUARANTEED". You might also need a NY baseball cap, preferably a red one. Although this is optional, it does amplify the "I'm a kick-ass kid, karas eh aku ani" image.

Now on to hairstyles. The more spikey, weird, crooked and colorful your hair is, the more karas you are. So go to your local tambi barber and say "antam saja asalkan KARAS usulnya".Now lets move on to speech. This is very important so listen very carefully. First of all, ensure all your sentences are short and straight to the point. So less rambling and more "ah" and "awu" grunts. Weird noises are also acceptable. Speak in a VERY LOUD TONE OF VOICE SO EVERYONE KNOWS YOU ARE AROUND and ensure topics are simple so that everyone in your poklen group can contribute. Suggested topics would be wrestling, chicks, football, hip hop, rock bands, and chicks.

Ensure you sound KARAS when you talk because semua poklen mesti KARAS.Last point, make sure you go out in big groups. There must always be one short guy in your group because he's usually the most KARAS. Your group must also have a leader. This leader must be wise, therefore he must be in his mid 20's, unemployed, living with his mom and owns a "tacky" or "cheap" modified car, usually decorated in a gaudy style with very loud speakers.

And there you have it, a rough idiot's guide to being a poklen. Not as easy as you thought it'd be huh? Don't worry, asalkan kau karas okeh tah kau tu.

Source: How to be a poklen - "asalkan karas yo", Accordingtosize.