Original Poem - Twas The Night Before The Deadline

Just a little poem I wrote for my module assignment. It has to be based on Dr. Seuss' 'Twas the Night Before Christmas'. Here's my version using the given template:

Twas the night before the deadline, when all through the hours,
A machine was purring, and it was vomiting papers.
He started to worry, as the midnight oil burn,
It's just only me, desperately finishing off the assignment!

I rocked to the left, and then to the right,
I needed some Red Bull, or else I won't last through the night.
I've mastered the art of procrastination I'm sad to say,
It happened since Day One, and it will bite me one day.

Cracking my head, trying to get my ideas to start flowing,
I heard students shouting – bloody hell they've been drinking.
“Concentrate!” I told myself with a renewed focus,
“Chill out now or I might as well work for a circus!”.

All of a sudden, the printer just stopped performing,
I looked on bewildered and muttered, “You've got to be kidding!”.
No, no, no! This is a bad time to give me a scare,
“Why must you act up on me now?” I shouted while pulling my hair.

Miraculously, the printer came back to life,
I'm more than relieved, now I know what it's like to be alive.
I told myself, “This is the last time I'll pull an stunt like this”,
Then I thought about it, “Screw it, at least I'm working like a beast.”

I printed out the last of my assignment with joy and glee,
The burden has been lifted now, and I can finally be free.
I wanted to go to sleep, then I realized something which made me sour,
“Damn it!” I remembered. “The deadline's up in the next hour!”

I ran from my room, from the Hall and onto the street,
I ran faster than Usain Bolt like there's a record to beat.
I finally reached the department and to my dismay,
“You stupid fellow” I cursed myself and it was only Sunday.

Source: Wira Pori, English Dept., Loughborough University

Attempted Murder In Senadin, Miri on 23rd February 2009

Actually, I'm not sure when did the attempted murder occurred (it was mentioned 29th January, but I need someone to confirm with me). It was also rumoured to be an attempted suicide by the couple. I don't know, I can't say it for sure. I'm just here to show you the grisly photos I received through an email from my Miri cousin.

Don't worry, the lady is in stable condition now. Get well soon.

Who is Jack Schitt?

Who is Jack Schitt you ask?

The lineage has been finally revealed. Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt." Now you can intellectually handle the situation.

Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O Schitt, the owner of Knee-Deep N. Schitt, Inc. In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt, and the deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt,Giva Schitt,Bull Schitt, and the twins, Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt. Against her parents' wishes, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced.

Noe Schitt later married Mr. Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock. Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a nervous son, Chicken Schitt.

Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt were inseparable throughout their childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens wedding. The Schitt-Happens children are Dawg,Byrd, and Horse. Bull Schitt, the prodigal son left home to tour the world, and recently returned from Italy with his new bride, Pisa Schitt.

So now when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt", you can correct them.