Metahumans of Hoops

I'm the type of guy who would constantly daydream. One of my favourite retreats would be a "what-if" scenario with a dash of a dream roster that is required to tackle the mission. Now with the 2007-08 NBA season underway and the Boston Celtics now the new darlings of the NBA with a star studded-line up consisting of Kevin Garnett, Ray Allen and Paul Pierce, I thought I should try to one-up everybody with this squad...

The ultimate NBA championship team comprised solely of comic-book characters. These guys could take down the League with both hands tied behind their backs. Wait don’t you need hands for that? Well, you just don’t wanna mess with them. Plus they have powers, are popular and… you don’t. Period. So, combining my extensive knowledge of basketball with half-baked research on superheroes (and villains), I present to you my own definite list of metahumans who can dominate the hoops landscape. In layman's term... this is my fantasy team.


Every team has celebrity fans sitting by the courtside. They give the franchise an external identity which normally is not accessible on certain platforms. These guys however can make sure no opposing teams are going to take their team down.
Jack Nicholson as Dr. Doom

"Doom is ready for his close-up."

Samuel L. Jackson as Nick Fury

"There are muthafuckin' snakes on the muthafuckin' court!"

Spike Lee as the Hulk
"Hulk complain about everything!"

Also known as the starters. The best players often go to play first. No complaints here.
Point Guard - Spiderman

The man running point has to be able to handle the ball and be capable of pushing the ball quickly up the court. Sure, Spidey may get caught palming from time to time, but no one has better handling skills. He could throw up an alleyoop before the defense gets set, he can find teammates before they get open, and he also has the ball on a string, literally. He's not the best team player, but he never puts himself above those with an open shot.

Shooting Guard - Bullseye

A great team has to have balance, which means there has to be one shooter who's killer from behind the arc. Or anywhere on the court that is. Bullseye has the deadliest accuracy in the Marvel Universe, which practically means that halfcourt bombs and buzzer beaters are part of his forte! He'll make Wilt Chamberlain's scoring record into a scoring average.

Center - Giant-Man

In today's NBA, you need a center who's not only tall, but who also has some mobility. You don't get better than a guy who can alter his size. He can clog the lane, block out like nobody's business and dunk without leaving his feet.

Power Forward - Luke Cage

If there's one guy you want layin' picks and clearing out the post, it's Luke Cage. The former Power Man makes the perfect Power Forward. He lacks range, but his presence inside should provide opportunity for the true shooters to get open.

Small Forward - Captain America

Pure athleticism serves Cap well. As the small forward, he's strong enough to post up when he needs to, but is also the best bounce-passer in the history of the NBA. He can dish, shoot the fadeaway and defend on the other end of the court.

Sixth Man - Daredevil

The sixth man on any team needs some versatility. While Daredevil may not be great in the post, he can shoot from anywhere on the floor and has an uncanny awareness of his teammates.


Throughout the course of the game, you are bound to rest your key players and give ample playing time to the fillers. But these are no scrubs by any means, I'm just keeping the defense honest and try not to institutionalize the opposing coaches to a nearby mental asylum.

PG - Martian Manhunter
J'onn J'onnz may be able to get a sneak preview of the other team's plays and be able to read the minds of the players, especially the opposing point guards. Oh and a little bit of invisibility on the fast break do help.

SG - Flash

Speed kills and he brings a new meaning to the term fast break. Imagine the opposing team having to deal with Flash all game long; he'd run them to the ground by the first quarter. Plus, he'd be the perfect backcourt partner to Spidey. One guy with a premonition on where everyone's gonna be, and one guy with the speed to get there faster than anyone else. Talk about a one-two punch.

C - Colossus
The heart and soul of the team. He can transform into organic steel, meaning he’s impervious to any bumps while banging in the post. If he can go toe-to-toe with the Juggernaut, what makes you think Shaq has a decent chance against a guy who literally stopped a runaway tractor?

PF - Wolverine

Someone who won't back down from any challenge. Someone who's gonna kill for that loose rebound. Imagine Dennis Rodman but crazier. Karl Malone's sharp elbows ain't got nothing on adamantium claws. Just pray that the ref has some backup basketballs available. You're not gonna rebound over a guy whose claws might go through your palm, would you?

SF - Mr. Fantastic

A small forward is all about versatility, and that can only mean Reed Richards himself. With the wingspan to knock away any shots, sky for an alleyoop or dunk from outside the arch; he's also a smart dude, a cerebral player who won't make a bonehead move and implement the coach's tactics onto the court.

The people you would normally never see in the public eye except for the Head Coach. The rest operate in the shadows (one of them literally do) and involve themselves in behind-the-scenes dealings. They guide the francise and the team to the Promised Land and ultimately, immortality in the hearts and minds of hoop fans everywhere.

Head Coach - Superman

Some might think the Man of Steel should be on the court, but Superman's not much of a hoops player. He is, however, a great mind and the ultimate inspirational coach. He's not the hellfire and brimstone type, but that doesn't mean he's not effective like his X-Ray vision in a room of lead.

Assistant Coach - Batman

With a team of unselfish players like this, you need an assistant coach who works tirelessly to get scouting reports on the other team. Batman never goes into a battle without knowing his enemies and their weaknesses. He'll keep an updated list on all the other teams and tailor a game plan for every situation. Superman will do the talking, Batman will do the planning.

General Manager - Professor X

Is someone trying to lowball the general manager on a trade? Who's going first in the draft? Any players willing to join the team either for the pursuit of money or glory? All this and more is already known by the one GM who can literally read the minds of his competitors.

Team Owner - Kingpin

Need good players (though I doubt you ever need one or two)? Need good coaches? Need a packed house of fans? Need to get rid of the annoying opposing GMs who are trying to pry away your desired players? The Kingpin will deliver them by hook or by crook.