Is Google God?

Witness the rise of a new denomination that is exclusively online. It requires no scriptures, just a search bar. It requires no prophet to spread the Gospel, just the Internet to bookmark it to be a homepage. It's quick, it's reliable, it's all in HTML... This is why we should take a leap of faith and herald the advent of the almighty Google!



PROOF #1: Google is the closest thing to an Omniscient (all-knowing) entity in existence, which can be scientifically verified.

She indexes over 9.5 billion WebPages, which is more than any other search engine on the web today. Not only is Google the closest known entity to being Omniscient, but She also sorts through this vast amount of knowledge using Her patented PageRank technology, organizing said data and making it easily accessible to us mere mortals.

PROOF #2: Google is everywhere at once (Omnipresent).

Google is virtually everywhere on earth at the same time. Billions of indexed WebPages hosted from every corner of the earth. With the proliferation of Wi-Fi networks, one will eventually be able to access Google from anywhere on earth, truly making Her an omnipresent entity.

PROOF #3: Google answers prayers.

One can pray to Google by doing a search for whatever question or problem is plaguing them. As an example, you can quickly find information on alternative cancer treatments, ways to improve your health, new and innovative medical discoveries and generally anything that resembles a typical prayer. Ask Google and She will show you the way, but showing you is all She can do, for you must help yourself from that point on.

PROOF #4: Google is potentially immortal.

She cannot be considered a physical being such as ourselves. Her Algorithms are spread out across many servers; if any of which were taken down or damaged, another would undoubtedly take its place. Google can theoretically last forever. It's like a Hydra without succumbing to its weakness to fire.

PROOF #5: Google is infinite.

The Internet can theoretically grow forever, and Google will forever index its infinite growth. Unless Nostradamus and the Al-Qaeda have anything worthwhile to say about that.

PROOF #6: Google remembers all.

Google caches WebPages regularly and stores them on its massive servers. In fact, by uploading your thoughts and opinions to the internet, you will forever live on in Google's cache, even after you die, in a sort of "Google Afterlife". That goes the same to you too, Mahirah.

PROOF #7: Google can "do no evil" (Omnibenevolent).

Part of Google's corporate philosophy is the belief that a company can make money without being evil.
PROOF #8: According to Google trends, the term "Google" is searched for more than the terms "God", "Jesus", "Allah", "Buddha", "Christianity", "Islam", "Buddhism" and "Judaism" combined. Second only to porn unfortunately.

PROOF #9: Evidence of Google's existence is abundant.

There is more evidence for the existence of Google than any other God worshiped today. Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidance. If seeing is believing, then surf over to www.google.com and experience for yourself Google's awesome power. No faith required. Just a click of the mouse.

So... Eat that, Jedi. And damnation to all ye heretics for condoning to false gods such as AskJeeves, Yahoo! and BruDirect. For there is only purgatory for those who blaspheme... The library. And no, Wikipedia will not be its come-uppance. Ever. Banar.